Friday, July 29, 2011

"All or Nothing"

I have always been an "All or Nothing" type of person but this has always caused havoc to me personally and those around me. I would give 100% to my children and fall behind in my sewing for my alterations business Never-Ending Possibilities. Then I would put 100 % into my company and my daytime job would suffer because I was so tired from getting no sleep. But mostly my life evolved around my job as Director of IT Services at a large regional accounting firm. It was challenging and satisfied every part of me. It was the 1st job I got after I got out of technical school during my separation. It was the job that allowed me the freedom to be there for my children as a single parent. So it became my life outside of my children.

So needing balance is something I have always needed but never been able to accomplish. This is not something I am use to. I always finish everything I start and I do it to perfection. Disclaimer is needed here. For everyone but me! I don't know where it got imbred that everyone or thing was more important than me. I remember someone saying don't be selfish share with everyone and take care of your mom and brothers and sisters. So I did.

Interesting that I transposed taking care of myself into being the best at my job when in reality it was a way of avoiding myself. Long hours at the job for recognition of my abilities became more important that who I was inside.

I am reading "The Shack" by W. Paul Young. In the book he refers that The Great Sadness had descended. When I read that phrase I started to cry because all of a sudden it dawned on me the great sadness had descended upon me. It started 8 years ago when I was having strange continual random illnesses that couldn't be explained. These kept getting worse until the day I was officially diagnosed with the autoimmune diseases of Sjogren's Syndrome and Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2009. This rocked my boat and my "All or Nothing" became if I can.

During the last year and a half I have been living in "The Great Sadness", I am too sick, if I can, and sorry I am too sick...too tired.

My husbands birthday was yesterday and the only birthday present he wants from me, "Is for me to control my life. Not let my disease control my life.". But he had more. He wanted me to start sewing my Life Tapestries starting with mine, finish redesigning my website, and be creative even paint. Since I can't work the way I am use to he feels that doing my home-based business will bring more money into the household taking into consideration my physical limitations. God thank you for this amazing man.

Long and short of it is I need to be more positive, take control of my life, eat better, exercise, sleep more, spend time with God Creator, and start to live a life in BALANCE.

Several friends of mine on Facebook said "Start with mini steps". This is the best advice I can recieve since I am an "All or Nothing" type of person. So now I need to see how living a life in balance in mini steps will look for me.

Thanks to all of you who love me enough to be honest.

Quote for the day
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein